Failures, Finances, Frustrations and the Future

I’m about to be in a great spot, and that’s terrifying.

Two years after a rough divorce, I’m goig to fully close that chapter of my life in the next few weeks. I’ve gone through the cycle of emotions that comes with that, I’m not prepared for being in the best financial position I’ve ever been in, in my entire life. I’m not exactly proud of the path I took getting here, but I’m about to be free of a significant amount of stress.

And I’m not really sure how to function without that.

Struggle and stress have repeatedly served as inspiration for creative periods in my life - I have a hard time wrapping my head around the idea of not having to struggle. (No joke, I once went on a walk through a botanical garden, took in all the beauty and splendor, and at the end sat on a bench, gazing up at the sky crying out “Why can’t I be inspired by this!?”) With support from family, loved ones, and therapy, I’m shifting away from this mindset, but it’s slow and unnerving. But I’ll get there.

Newfound freedom and flexibility means more opportunities and rabbit holes to wander down, and that’s the in-between struggle I’m navigating right now. This blog is part of that - getting my thoughts out there in the world and forcing myself to learn skills I’ve been putting off for too long. Feels like I’ve been stagnant for ages, despite so much happening in just the past two years.

I’m toying around with the idea of returning to college (again) for some sense of structure, and I reached out to my doctor today about an ADHD diagnosis (“BUT ALSO JUST FIND ONE FOR ADHD!” my diagnosed neurodivergent sister loving shrieks at me). High time I try and take better care of myself.

So, stick with me as I fumble about learning how to blog and healthily function, I guess. -Vee (PurposeUnknown)